the monster list

Above my desk sits a picture of the old Grand Central Station, a fitting piece of art.  Though I do much of my work on the go, my desk is often just as busy as the transportation hub.  With calendars, lists, dry-erase boards, cork boards, planners, papers, tasks, and post-its this part of my room is reminiscent of a train station.  Everything is moving, everything has a schedule, everything is in the process of being crossed off a list.  No dusk ever collects - things move to fast for that.  Rather, the mess of my desk is in the sheer amount of things piled up.  However, in almost every aspect it is a well-oiled machine with old tasks being completed just in time for new ones to pull into the station.  And then there is, hanging from the corner of my big cork board – dangling as if taunting me, what I call the monster list.  The one list I can never seem to cross things off of faster than they accumulate, it is my Everest.

It all started my freshman year of college.  Stepping out of a small all-girl Catholic high school into a CUNY that specializes in my favorite subject, my mind became like a sponge wanting to suck everything in.  I spent hours in the book store, searching out books on criminal justice, serial killers, and famous court cases.  Professor after professor suggested books that pertained to class discussions, books that sounded inspiring and intriguing.  Friends and family suggested books, and the list grew.  However, college classes mean hours of required reading and with working and volunteering as well, there was just little time to read.  And so the list grew for two years.  For every book I read, three were added and progress became somewhat of a joke.  Then in May of 2010 I made a commitment to cross off five books before the summer was over without adding any …

A book and a half later I find myself adding five more to the list, a list that has become somewhat of a beast.  The worst part is that I publicized this goal of mine to friends and family, and so I received many of the books as birthday presents last week.  Now they sit on my book shelf, seeming to mock me just like the list.  Though I am not a fan of excuses, I do have plenty for why my goal was an epic failure.  I was working two jobs, blogging, attending Watson Fellowship seminars and cultural events, volunteering, applying for a job in the fall, keeping in touch with friends, and catching up on my favorite TV shows.  Also, in my defense I accomplished the other nine items on my summer to-do list, which was no easy task.  Deep down, however, a part of me still feels as though I have failed.  And now that the list has grown so large, I wonder how and when I will ever complete it.

We all have something – perhaps it’s not a list – but it grows faster than we can attack it.  These things challenge us, discourage us, humble us, and annoy us.  They are evidence that we just do not have time for everything we want to do.  They make us human. 

Though I am no expert on how to attack these monster lists or tasks, I can say that never giving up is certainly key.  If we remain persistent, believe the goal is accomplishable, and chip away at it slowly I do think the monster can be slayed.  Maybe I will never read every book I want to, but in trying to do so I will read more books than I ever thought I could.  This is the message for tonight: setting the impossible goal, working on it day-to-day, and never giving up on yourself can lead you to incredible places.  Setting the bar high can make you feel like a failure at times, but in the end it will lead to your victory (or at least I hope). So this week think long and hard about a goal or task you think is too big for you to take on and set out to accomplish it.  Let no one hold you back, especially yourself.

Click here for your two minutes of procrastination.