As I posted last week, some defense mechanisms are bad.  Avoiding work so much that you end up not having enough time to finish a project only causes more stress than attacking the project head on would have.  And reaction formation, well, that stuff almost always has a negative outcome (unless, you like looking like a hypocrite).  Defense mechanisms, however, are an important part of our psyche.  They help us to deal with stress, and if we can understand which ones work best for us, we can learn to better deal with our stress.

That brings me to sublimation.  Sublimation, the defense mechanism Neo-Freudians argue is the “healthiest” of them all, is the channelling of the id’s desires into tasks or work that is socially accepted and considered productive.  The example my professors at John Jay love to give to explain this is the man who has violent desires to cut up human bodies.  He uses these desires to fuel his study of the body, becomes a surgeon, and end up saving lives.  He has learned to channel his id’s desires into  job that society deems not only acceptable, but prestigious.  Without sublimation, however, he might otherwise have become a murderer or serial killer.

Of course, most examples of sublimation aren’t as extreme as this one.  Take, for example, the nervous cleaner.  The anxiety a person is feeling is channeled into busy work (cleaning) that diminishes the nervousness that might otherwise have led to a panic attack.  The outcome of this nervous cleaning is also considered positive, because cleaning is socially desirable.  Or, think of the athlete who is fueled by the anger associated with naysayers.  Every time someone tells the athlete he or she is inadequate, he or she turns those feelings of frustration into positive energy that keeps him or her motivated.

Since I have been monitoring which defense mechanisms I use most, I have noticed that sublimation underlines most of the things that I do.  Sure, I am a nervous cleaner (and baker, too actually), but my use of sublimation runs much deeper than that.  I am deeply affected by the suffering of others.  Having been fortunate enough to be born into a middle class family, to have had the opportunity to attend college, and to live rather comfortably is often a major source of guilt for me.  Seeing others who have not been afforded such an easy live often makes me feel like I am somehow responsible for the inequality or that I is my fault that it continues to exist.  This is a real source of underlying stress for me, one that leaks over into most aspects of my day-to-day.  Sublimation, I have realized, is my go-to defense mechanism for dealing with this guilt.  I sign up for classes on human rights.  I work for organizations with missions for social good.  I pour myself into volunteer work.  I try by best to help others in any way that I can.  All of these actions are more socially acceptable outlets for my stress than wallowing in my owe self-pity or screaming out in rage at the systemic inequality created by out society’s institutions.

Sublimation – sure if you have to use it, it probably means you’re dealing with rather serious stress, but who isn’t?  Of all the ways to deal with your stress, it’s probably (psychologists say) the best and most productive way.  I find that it works better than denial or projection, so try it.  Channel that stress into positive tasks and projects.  Use it to motivate and drive you.  When your stress (and for me, guilt) isn’t going anywhere, you might as well use it for something good.

Here is just 5 seconds of procrastination, because classes start back up this week, and we should all be getting ready for that.

Defense mechanisms are not necessarily bad.  They, by definition, are ways we deal with stress. There are, however, certain mechanisms that are healthier than others - ones that we are better off employing if we want to live less stressful lives.  For example, Freud proposed (and Neo-Freudians typically agree) that sublimation is the healthiest defense mechanism we have identified.  Luckily for me, I employ this once daily.  More on that next week, when we examine ways to transform stress into a positive.

Tonight I want to look at denial.  It’s something we all do (if you think about it, denial is at the crux of procrastination, in fact).  When a stressful time is coming up on our calendar or when a big project comes along, we try for some period of time (and length of this period differs for everyone) to put the stressor out of our mind.  Sometimes this is necessary, because of more pressing issues.  It helps us stay focused and prevents unnecessary multi-tasking.  Other times it can lead to procrastination, which just means more stress down the road. 

Denial is funny in that way.  Like other defense mechanisms, its got its pros and cons.  Since identifying that I often employ denial (even just slightly) to deal with stress, I have been critical of how and when I use it.  Being able to recognize situations in which it is not a useful response is a skill that will help me avoid those situations when employing denial will only increase my stress.

Being able to monitor your use of defense mechanisms goes back to my post last week about knowing yourself.  Knowing when you are using a stress-coping exercise in a good way is important.  Knowing when you are using a mechanism in a bad way, however, more helpful in de-stressing your life.  This week take note of how you deal with stress.  Analyze what works and what doesn’t.  Identify situations in which you can use certain techniques and situations in which using those same techniques might be a bad idea. 

Click here for your two minutes of procrastination.

This realization makes stress management ever more important for me.  If am always going to have a packed schedule (and it’s just the case that I am), I better just stop resisting it and figure out how to deal with it in a healthy way. 

The winter intercession (a time that I promised myself way back in October would be stress-free) has proven to be even crazier than the fall semester.  Balancing forty-five hours of work a week (spread out over three jobs) along with my Watson Fellowship responsibilities is hard enough.  Add on top of that the research I am conducting for my honors thesis, which is in itself a full-time job, and you can begin to understand why my day planner cannot accommodate all the things I need to schedule.  My New Year’s resolution to stress less has truly been put to the test, and it is only the 10th of January.

This week, even though it has been one of my busiest yet, I worked on a new stress management technique.  I’ve posted before about knowing yourself (click here to read all about it) and how it can make scheduling easier.  This is a similar technique.  Know yourself.  Know what stresses you out most, and be proactive in preventing these situations from arising.

For instance, my biggest pet peeve is running late.  I hate being late or even thinking I am going to be.  I literally stress this more than anything else.  So to combat my stress, I am going to take precautionary measures.  I am going to try to schedule small fifteen-minute buffers between tasks (when I can) to allow for running overtime.  I am also going to schedule “spill-over” time, time during the week that I can use to tackle tasks I planned to finish but could not.  Both of these precautions will allow me to be late without really stressing it.  I can just tell myself, “You have time to finish this later.”

Knowing what stresses you out is important, if you are going to be able to eliminate that stress.  Learning how to minimizing the stress in my life is something I plan to work on this year.  However, sometimes stressful situations arise that cannot be avoided.  Next week we’ll tackle how to handle these situations!

Click here for your two minutes of procrastination.

If you are expecting a post on how to get organized for 2012, I’m sorry but I will have to disappoint.  Perhaps, my post from January 1st, 2011 might help you (check it out by clicking here).  Or, you could click here to see all my posts on new scheduling techniques.  Nope, this post will not address how to keep a day planner (but check that out by clicking here) or how to organize a messy cork board (but here’s a post that will).  This one is going to go in a bit of a different direction.

Due in large part to some soul-searching and critical evaluation I have been doing of late, my posts (I know) have been less about scheduling techniques and more about stress management.  Sure these are not the same thing, but they are certainly related.  The more balls you have to juggle, the more anxiety you will have about dropping one.  Keeping with this new theme, my resolution this year is to better deal with my stress.  I want to maintain all my responsibilities (and my crazy schedule), while learning to enjoy life instead of constantly feeling anxious about it.

Aer go, this post is the first in my quest to stress less.  How do we manage all our responsibilities, while still finding time to do the things that make us happy.  And, how do we deal with the anxiety of making sure everything gets done on time?  These are the questions I am asking myself now, and I plan to share my journey through posts here. 

Think about it.  Wouldn’t it be a terrible thing to turn around twenty years from now with regrets, thinking we were too busy to enjoy what is supposed to be the greatest time of our lives?  A schedule is just our way of organizing the things we have to do so that we have time for the things we want to do.  Those things we want to do are the ones that really matter.  In the end, life isn’t about scheduling.  It should be about enjoying.

So, why not embark with me on a journey to happiness through better time management, stress management, and life management skills?  I’m sure we will visit new scheduling techniques along the way.  I promise we will visit ways to deal with anxiety.  And, I hope we will find a way to enjoy our busy lives.

 Click here for your two minutes of procrastination.

The holiday season isn’t something you can schedule (though this year I have been trying – check that post out here).  It is more of a feeling, a mood, a state of mind.  Yes, scheduling in an hour of holiday fun time a day can get you in the spirit, but the other 23 hours tend to just eradicate the jolliness.  So as you may have already guessed, I been trying out new ways to not only get into the holiday spirit, but stay there.

The solution to this worldwide problem won’t be found under any holiday tree.  No, the answer comes from ancient Sanskrit: pranayama.  Pranayama, which literally translates to “extension of the life force,”  is the contemporary word for yoga breathing.  Though these breathing techniques can get pretty advanced and difficult, their basic concept is our breath propels us – it gives us power and vitality. 

Breathing techniques won’t get you into the holiday spirit, but they can quell the stress and anxiety that can rush the spirit away.  Feeling stressed about your finals?  Dreading going home for the holidays?  Anxious about getting your Christmas shopping done last-minute?  Just breathe.  Take a deep inhale that opens up your rib cage.  Fill your body with air, and feel it expand.  Now, exhale fully.  Let all the air out, and feel all your stress release with it.  Pay close attention to how your breath connects with everything your body does.  Breathe slow and feel your heart rate slow, feel your muscles relax, feel that holiday spirit sustain itself.

Don’t be too stressed out and anxious to enjoy this holiday season.  Take the time to get into the spirit, but also make sure that spirit stays with you.  Click here for your two (relaxing) minutes of procrastiantion. 

This time of year always gives me conflicting feelings.  Initially, I feel proud and relaxed, because I have finished my papers and studying early.  As I hear my friends and colleagues talking about their stress, however, I feel badly for them.  I wish they, too, could have free time to take part in the celebration of the end of the semester and the holiday season.

My advice to them and to all of you who are struggling to get your assignments completed is stop procrastinating.  Lock yourself in your room.  Block Facebook.  Turn off your phone.  Spend as much time as your mind can handle tacking all of your papers and finals.  Remember, finishing your school work early means finishing the semester early. 

I understand that focusing seems nearly impossible for some people, as the temptation of procrastination keeps finding a way to creep back into their minds.  If you have this problem, try keep a running list of all the things you’d like to do to procrastinate (maybe: check Facebook, watch a movie, call a friend).  Promise yourself endless time to do everything on that fun list after you finish your school work.  Turn the tables on procrastination and use it as motivation!

I hope you all have a stress-free last week of classes.  Keep in mind that we’ve almost made it through another semester - we just need to finish strong.  Click here for your two minutes of procrastination, but maybe think of saving it for when you are done with your papers and studying

The end of the semester is always a busy time of year.  Couple it with the holidays, and busy becomes an understatement.  It seems like everyday tasks get rolled over to the next until the list of unfinished tasks becomes an unmanagable monster list (learn more about those by clicking here)  Because things are predictably hectic during the holiday season, I have devised a way to get around this sort of task buildup.  I call it the “Not So Lazy Sunday” technique.

In a typical week I spend Sunday at the bakery I have worked at since I was sixteen.  I travel about an hour and a half from my apartment in Queens to Staten Island (where I am from), work a ten-hour shift, spend some time with my family (who still live on Staten Island), then commute another hour and a half back to Queens where I am usually met with an hour and a half of laundry and a few hours of school work.  Needless to say, Sundays are long, Sundays are busy, and Sundays are tiring. 

Compared to every other day of the week, however, it is easiest to clear my schedule on Sunday.  I just take off a day at the bakery, tell my folks I’ll see them next week, and attack my laundry pile on Saturday.  Bam – a cleared day!  (In my life, that’s a beautiful and very rare thing, by the way).  And though it is quite tough to manage to get a day off from the bakery, I do this occasionally so that I can catch up.  On my “cleared” Sunday, I attack my ever-growing to do list relentlessly.  I cross off as many items as I can, and really make clearing my schedule for the day count.  My Sunday, in effect, becomes the opposite of a lazy weekend.

When I schedule, I sometimes do so optimistically.  I think, “I might not be able to finish all of these tasks today, but let me try.”  And while sometimes I can power through a busy day, most of the time this mindset leads to a lot of unfinished tasks.  Clearing my schedule for a day is tough, but when my to do list gets to an unmanagable point and I know that things are only going to get more busy (like at the end of the semester and around the holidays), I make sure to schedule in a catch-up-day.

This week think about designating a day at the end of this semester just for catching up on your to do list, whether the items on your list are school, work, or holiday-related.  You should never feel bad about not being able to get everything done in one day.  But remember, letting your list grow exponentially is dangerous!  Click here for your two minutes of procrastination.

It happens to most college students. The end of the fall semester is the busiest time of year because of research, papers, assignments, and finals. Add on top of all that shopping, baking, decorating, and time with friends and family; and scheduling becomes nearly impossible. In situations like these the have to do list trumps the want to do list, and the holiday season can come and go without much celebration at all.

But, not this year. Not for me. I have devised a plan to get around this December rush. Not only have I been proactive about getting my assignments and studying down much earlier than usual, but I am also integrating the holidays into all of my days during the month of December. Instead of putting off getting into the holiday spirit, I’m already embracing the holiday. My strategy is to do one small thing everyday that is holiday related. One day I’ll go gift shopping for an hour. Another day, I’ll listen to carols for an hour while studying. Maybe I’ll even fit in some time for a holiday movie on the weekends. Taking little baby steps towards the holiday spirit will help me to not miss out, but rather stretch out my celebration over the course of a month.

As the end of the semester approaches, don’t let yourself get bogged down with school work.  The holiday season comes only once a year, so make the most of it! Even if it’s in a very small way, start celebrating now.  And since WordPress is giving me a hard time hyperlinking a video this week, copy and paste this address to see your two minutes of procrastination: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJfZaT8ncYk.

On Sunday I worked for most of the day, spent the remainder of it packing and hitting all of the cliché San Francisco tourist spots, and then hopped on the red-eye at 10:30 PM.  Needless to say, I passed out immediately, and before I knew it the five and a half hour flight was ending.  I foolishly thought, as we got off the plane, that those five hours would be enough to sustain me for the rest of the day.  I planned on catching up on sleep over the Thanksgiving break, because I did not have time to do so right away with school work, work work, and a tone of laundry to catch up on.  But then, I got back to my apartment and saw my bed.  It looked so inviting and my feet hurt so badly from being on them for seven days straight.  I thought, “Well, I do have forty-five minutes to spare…”  So at 8 AM I crawled into bed without unpacking a single thing and still in my clothes from the night before.  And at 2:45 PM I woke, having slept a whole six hours longer than I intended.  I had slept through two alarms, the time I allotted myself to do laundry, four hours of work I had committed myself to, and about an hour or so of time to catch up on school work.

I have never overslept before.  I make sure to set two alarms just to ensure that I will not.  What I took away from my California trip, however, is that I rush too much.  I often go from one thing to the next without being present and without taking anything in.  I can be too focused on getting things done that I sometimes disregard what’s best for myself and my health.  So while I was disappointed that I didn’t get everything done that I wanted to yesterday, I ultimately shrugged it off, rescheduled my tasks, and thought, “Wow, I really needed that sleep.”

The take away this week is that being busy is okay.  Working hard is okay.  Being dedicated is okay.  But one’s health and well-being should always be a priority.  You cannot do the work you need to do to the best of your ability if you are sleep deprived, worn out, or in the wrong state-of-mind.  This week spend your two minutes of procrastination doing something relaxing, and remember to always put your health before getting things done.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy, at least not in my mind.  But as I have posted before, being busy also sets you up for developing blinders (click here to read that post).  When you run from one thing to another, you forget about the big picture and where your life is going.  Sure, things get done, but the destination toward which you are working becomes unclear.  You may wake up one day and realize your goals have changed.

I’ve also posted before about having a fun list, something that ensures that you don’t focus solely on work or school.  Fun lists, or want-to-do lists, can also help you remember all the cool things you have had to push-off because of other responsibilities.  When you have an open afternoon or weekend, they are a great resource for ideas.

But, tonight I am not posting about any old fun list.  Tonight’s post is about the ultimate fun list – a bucket list.  A bucket list is a list of all the things a person wants to do before he or she dies (or kicks the bucket, so to speak). The purpose of this sort of list is to prevent the same blinders busy people are most prone to from developing.  Who wants to realize on their death-bed that there were a million things he or she wishes he or she could have done, but will never get to do?

For the longest time the first item on my bucket list was to dip my toes into the Pacific Ocean, and today I am posting my blog from San Francisco.  Had I not critically thought about all the things I want to do before I die, I might never have had this experience.  So, this week take some time out of your busy day to think about starting your own bucket list.  You don’t have to come up with one in a single afternoon, but begin the process of creating one.  Ensure that you leave nothing on the table in this life.  Click here for your two minutes of procrastination... and don’t try any of the stuff in this video yourself!